FireFighter Jokes
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How Do You Rank?
Chief
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God. |
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Deputy Chief
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God. |
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Assistant Deputy Chief
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if special request is approved. |
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Platoon Chief
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God. |
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District Chief
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by a locomotive
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Dog paddles
Talks to animals |
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Captain
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotive two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can't stay afloat with a life preserver
Talks to walls. |
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| Senior Man
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings
Says, "Look at the choo-choo"
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself. |
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Firefighter
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
HE IS GOD!!!!! |
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RAPID RESPONSE
Years ago, when I was working on a small town ambulance, it was not uncommon for my wife and me to stop at the local grocer to buy food for dinner after a call. I had gone in to get a head of lettuce and some apples. Unknown to me the floor was wet from the newly installed produce sprayers.
Down I went, hitting my head hard. When I came to, the manager of the store was sitting beside me telling me not to move, that he had called 911.
At the same time my pager went off and he looked at me and asked, “What was that? I said "My pager, I am 911." He looked at me, shocked " Boy, you guys are fast!" |
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| The Ten Commandments of Rolling Code 1. Thou shall treat thy pumper as though it were your firstborn child. 2. Blow thy siren and shine thy light with great vigor enroute. 3. Know where thy goest at all times. 4. Be certain all those in attendance are affixed prior to venturing forth. 5. Thou shall arriveth shiny side up. 6. Be ever so humble when thy mic is keyed. 7. Thou salt not leave thy station 'til thy door is openeth. 8. Thou salt not closeth thy bay door too soon. 9. Thou salt closeth all compartment doors when thou art done. 10. Thou salt never chastise thy driver for making a wrong turn when it results in a return to the firehouse. |
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| Firefighter Terminology Haligan Tool: Used for breaking headlights Kelly Tool: What firefighter Kelly uses to break headlights Water Hammer: Used to drive in water nails Drafting: Following another fire engine really closely on the way to a fire Backdraft: Drafting on the way back to the station Ladder Company: Where they make ladders Flashover: Too many lights on the pumper Rollover: What you do in the ashes to make your new turnouts look old McCleod: The Highlander Master Stream: The Mississippi River BLEVE: It was dry when I drove my Chevy there Exposures: Usually Indecent Mutual Aid: When 4 kids are hurt and there is only 3 band aids, someone is getting Mutual Aid! |
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| How firefighter's identify a HAZMAT chemical using the COP Method: 1. Officer standing/Car running: Not hazardous. 2. Officer unconscious/Car running: Toxic fumes. 3. Officer unconscious/Car stalled: Oxygen displacing chemical. 4. Officer/Car both melting: Acidic chemical. 5. Officer/Car on fire: Extremely flammable. |
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Little Firefighter
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and cat.
The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look, "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl says.
The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren." |
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| Recommended Books & Things |
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